The Naked Truth

Accepting my Singleness

Hey yall 🙂

As I sit here with my wine and reflect on the last year, I realized one of my prayers has been answered.  A little over a year ago, I was leaving a relationship that just wasn’t for me.  My heart wasn’t filled.  I felt lonely and worried all the time.  God helped me get through it and I thank Him for that.

Once out of that relationship, I prayed about accepting His plan for me and learning to be okay with being single.  See I had spent so much time visualizing the perfect relationship, idolizing relationship goals, and trying to turn my boyfriend into something he was not that I ignored the signs God was giving me to leave in the beginning and I suffered heavily for it.   So for nine months, I was in a relationship feeling lonely, sad, unappreciated, and un-pretty.  And it was all my fault.  Ladies when God reveals something to you, stop trying to fight it and thank Him.

After ending the relationship, I sought attention from other men like some of us women tend to do.  A couple of guys I really didn’t care for or even want to be around.  I was just lonely trying to fill what I thought was a void.  For the next seven months, I entertained men I had no business allowing in my presence.  Still feeling lonely and still filling that void.  Until the At The Altar series at Fusion, I began to see real couples who were going through normal couple issues but still happy with their perfect partner.

My first thought was I WANT THAT.  I was inspired to think better of myself and stop letting any and every one in my space.  I instantly cut ties with the guys who I didn’t care for.  I deleted numbers and old texts messages. I stopped asking God to send me a boyfriend and started asking Him to prepare me for my husband and to prepare my husband for me.  I stopped asking God to fix my relationships and started asking Him to help me accept my singleness until my time.  And here we are months later and I’m FINALLY okay with being single.

Ironically, I actually prefer being single at this point in my life.  I couldn’t have been any less prepared for a relationship than I am now.  I was dating this guy and I thought he was really handsome and sweet, but I wasn’t feeling him.  I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t running to my phone to see if he called/text or thinking of him day and night.  I wasn’t getting mad because he took hours to text me or planning our wedding in my head (I know I’m not the only one…).  He actually made me realize how much I ignored him and didn’t care for him as he did for me.  I wasn’t purposely treating him this way, but I really just wanted to be alone; and no I didn’t care for him as he did for me.  In the midst of all that, work was consuming my life and I wasn’t in a happy space at that time.  As of now, I still can’t handle a boyfriend with my current work schedule and the space I’m in mentally.  For the first time in my adult life, I wasn’t hoping for someone to sweep me off my feet or even rub them or hold my hand or take Instagram photos with or send “I love You’s” to. And I’m okay with that.

Ladies, being single is perfectly fine. You can politely shut down the family when they continuously ask when you’re bringing your boo around.  I’m sure they would rather wait to meet THE ONE than to meet the Right Nows. I actually date myself a lot.  I’ve had time to catch up on movies, take walks, watch natural hair Youtubers, read my books & Bible, try new restaurants, network, connect with old & new friends, enjoy Atlanta, and more.  I’m not about that idolizing life anymore and I’m so proud of the space I’m in.  I have no idea when Mr. Right is coming, but I know when he finally does, I’ll be ready for him.

I said all this to say when I changed my way of thinking I had a new perspective on my life. I didn’t need anyone anymore.  I didn’t need to change myself for any one anymore.  I can just be my goofy, crazy, fun self.  I don’t have to beg someone to be around me or feel lonely when that person leaves. Someone will be happy with me just the way I am. I’m just single and satisfied until my time.

-K

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9 thoughts on “Accepting my Singleness

    1. Thanks girl for reading my blog and seeing me as an inspiration. I just want to share my experiences for someone else’s good. I’m just glad I could find the good in being single and not dread this time in my life.

  1. That’s the spirit.. Cut all the junk,and you’ll find the right one for you! Single doesn’t mean sad.. But you’ll find coupled friends will meet up less.. So time to hang out with other people!

    1. I think I’m on the right track. I stop entertaining many and now I’m just waiting. It took me a while to see that single can actually be positive and prep me for when my soulmate comes along. I do agree with having more time to hang with other ppl. I’ve done that so much this year and never realized it. Thank you for reading!

  2. Amen K. Good for you! I feel you, though. I’ve been single and celibate for what seems like FOREVER! Although there are moments when I feel like I am missing something, I think of this holiday season. I think of the big beautiful trees that folks have put up, and I see the presents underneath them. I think of the comments that I hear my friends and some single family members make when they feel distressed about not having a partner. Then I think to myself, our lives is like that xmas tree and those presents are like the blessings that God has bestowed upon us. Imagine that one box is marked PEACE, and another is marked DECENT HEALTH, and another FINANCIAL STABILITY. Imagine that the tree is full of presents with many more markings on each one to represent the blessings in our lives. Except for one and that being LIFE PARTNER. Do we really have the audacity to moan and groan and complain about not getting that for an ADDITIONAL gift? I recall seeing a documentary called SOUL MATE, which highlights successful women who are single by choice. One said, “I tried to pick my own mate, and it was obvious that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, so I am waiting on the good Lord to send him my way.” I have to agree with her method. Like you, the last relationship that I was in lasted all of 8 months. Like you I was unhappy and delusional. We can get through this as we wait on our gift. He’s coming. In the mean time, girl, I’m gonna live my life to the FULLEST!!!! Kudos to you, Miss Thang.

    1. Girrrrlll the celibacy part is soooooo hard but I believe it will be so worth it. I love the way you think! I have so many present blessings under this tree of life that God has blessed me with. When I get sad or in my feelings, I open my Bible and just talk my butt off to God. It’s so soothing and I instantly realize what he’s done for me and that He’s making me wait for a reason. I’d rather be 100% single now than be with someone and still feel single/lonely. That’s the worst! Thank you for reading!

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