Hey yall 🙂
As I sit here with my wine and reflect on the last year, I realized one of my prayers has been answered. A little over a year ago, I was leaving a relationship that just wasn’t for me. My heart wasn’t filled. I felt lonely and worried all the time. God helped me get through it and I thank Him for that.
Once out of that relationship, I prayed about accepting His plan for me and learning to be okay with being single. See I had spent so much time visualizing the perfect relationship, idolizing relationship goals, and trying to turn my boyfriend into something he was not that I ignored the signs God was giving me to leave in the beginning and I suffered heavily for it. So for nine months, I was in a relationship feeling lonely, sad, unappreciated, and un-pretty. And it was all my fault. Ladies when God reveals something to you, stop trying to fight it and thank Him.
After ending the relationship, I sought attention from other men like some of us women tend to do. A couple of guys I really didn’t care for or even want to be around. I was just lonely trying to fill what I thought was a void. For the next seven months, I entertained men I had no business allowing in my presence. Still feeling lonely and still filling that void. Until the At The Altar series at Fusion, I began to see real couples who were going through normal couple issues but still happy with their perfect partner.
My first thought was I WANT THAT. I was inspired to think better of myself and stop letting any and every one in my space. I instantly cut ties with the guys who I didn’t care for. I deleted numbers and old texts messages. I stopped asking God to send me a boyfriend and started asking Him to prepare me for my husband and to prepare my husband for me. I stopped asking God to fix my relationships and started asking Him to help me accept my singleness until my time. And here we are months later and I’m FINALLY okay with being single.
Ironically, I actually prefer being single at this point in my life. I couldn’t have been any less prepared for a relationship than I am now. I was dating this guy and I thought he was really handsome and sweet, but I wasn’t feeling him. I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t running to my phone to see if he called/text or thinking of him day and night. I wasn’t getting mad because he took hours to text me or planning our wedding in my head (I know I’m not the only one…). He actually made me realize how much I ignored him and didn’t care for him as he did for me. I wasn’t purposely treating him this way, but I really just wanted to be alone; and no I didn’t care for him as he did for me. In the midst of all that, work was consuming my life and I wasn’t in a happy space at that time. As of now, I still can’t handle a boyfriend with my current work schedule and the space I’m in mentally. For the first time in my adult life, I wasn’t hoping for someone to sweep me off my feet or even rub them or hold my hand or take Instagram photos with or send “I love You’s” to. And I’m okay with that.
Ladies, being single is perfectly fine. You can politely shut down the family when they continuously ask when you’re bringing your boo around. I’m sure they would rather wait to meet THE ONE than to meet the Right Nows. I actually date myself a lot. I’ve had time to catch up on movies, take walks, watch natural hair Youtubers, read my books & Bible, try new restaurants, network, connect with old & new friends, enjoy Atlanta, and more. I’m not about that idolizing life anymore and I’m so proud of the space I’m in. I have no idea when Mr. Right is coming, but I know when he finally does, I’ll be ready for him.
I said all this to say when I changed my way of thinking I had a new perspective on my life. I didn’t need anyone anymore. I didn’t need to change myself for any one anymore. I can just be my goofy, crazy, fun self. I don’t have to beg someone to be around me or feel lonely when that person leaves. Someone will be happy with me just the way I am. I’m just single and satisfied until my time.